Fake profiles
Browse the talent pool
12 satirical tech partners curated for uptime, empathy, and commit density.
Chad Stackwell
Full-stack Engineer
Full-stack but emotionally single-threaded.
Brent Byte
DevOps Whisperer
Looking for someone to mass-assign my Jira tickets to.
Tyler Merge
Product Engineer
My love language is approving PRs without comments.
Logan Runtime
Observability Lead
Emotionally unavailable but high availability.
Preston Branch
Backend Engineer
Wants to merge branches and feelings.
Brock Commit
Mobile Engineer
Swipes right on clean architecture.
Ethan Queue
Infrastructure Engineer
My heart is eventually consistent.
Noah Patch
Security Engineer
Asks for MFA on the first date.
Miles Cache
Performance Engineer
Optimizes everything except feelings.
Derek PR
Design Engineer
Loves gradients and long walks in the CLI.
Grant Flag
Release Manager
Feature flags are my love language.
Trevor Spec
Staff Engineer
Wants PRDs and PDA.